I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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