The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
