Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
