my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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