I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
