dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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