i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
