What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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