He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
