when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
