I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you had me at cake vodka
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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