i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
