I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
