Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
