I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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