her vagine was all disorganized.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
