Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
