Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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