i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
