you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
