If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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