she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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