So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
worst night to have a conscience
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
