there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
as a side note pls kill me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He literally asked permission to hit on me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
