What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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