all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
