Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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