Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
COCAINE IS GR8
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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