evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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