I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
