I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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