He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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