So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I need help removing her.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
