HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
