I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
