So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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