no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
