Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
