apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
