I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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