so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
