i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
