who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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