wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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