Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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