Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
