It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
