What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
