wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
