It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
