i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
