too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
