I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
