I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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